The Mental Battle of Cancer

I have said many times that often the mental and emotional aspects of my cancer journey are the most difficult. Intrusive thoughts tend to consume me sometimes.

I try to distract myself and attempt to place my focus somewhere else, but when there is this new weird pain in my body that won’t go away, I manufacture so much that may or may not be accurate. There’s a great big spiral and sometimes it might be all for nothing.

Emotional ups and downs during a cancer journey

Some days, I wake up feeling refreshed and like I can function, while other days, I am really sad and down. I can’t always put a finger on why I am sad. I just am.

Sometimes, this comes with low energy and fatigue, and other days, it’s just downright depressing. I have never been diagnosed officially with depression, but I definitely know how to recognize it.

Sometimes this journey removes us from our normal routines. Sometimes, a cancer journey can take us away from full-time work or not allow us to work at all.

This can definitely play a part on our mental health. We now have this new diagnosis and can’t provide for our family.

Maybe you are a single family, and your income is the only income. The stress of navigating where the money to survive is going to come from plays a huge part in our emotional well-being, not to mention the cost of cancer treatment and care.

Changes in our bodies

Treatment can sometimes cause so many things to happen with our bodies, from hair loss to developing neuropathy to losing weight or gaining weight, loss of appetite, or gain of appetite. It’s all so many changes that affect our emotions.

We have early onset of arthritis or joint pain as a side effect of medication. I personally experienced a rash that had to be controlled by another medication.

Then there’s the fatigue. I am so tired! I have learned to go to appointments and anything else I have to do first thing in the morning because as the day goes on, I find myself losing more and more of my already depleted energy.

Fear, fear, fear

The fear of everything is so loud sometimes for me. I fear my medication no longer working. I fear progression. I fear going to my regular checkups because I am afraid of another cancer showing up somewhere.

I fear the unknown, the what-ifs, and the whens. It’s all too much.

I don’t know why I put myself through all of that, but there’s a whole conversation going on in my head with myself. Then I try to talk myself out of it all and reason with myself.

I really tell myself that worrying isn’t going to change a thing, so just stop. That doesn’t work!

This part of cancer is often what nobody talks about. There’s no warning label. It’s just there, and it shows up uninvited, unwanted, and out of nowhere.

What Do We Do About It?

One thing that has worked for me is making sure I stay active as best I can. When I want to stay in bed all day and just wallow in my feelings, I try to make myself get up and get dressed and do some sort of activity like walking or just going outside for a bit when the weather permits.

I have also found that engaging in something creative is good for pulling me up a little, whether it’s organizing something or creating something. Finding your support is also important that you can talk to about how you are feeling.

I often want to eat my feelings when I am in the middle of a sad day, but I try to keep myself on a healthy path and choose good options to fuel my body and brain. I am awful at drinking water, but I try to force myself to stay hydrated—there are so many benefits to just water alone.

Finding outside resources through your patient navigator or social worker for things like transportation, financial assistance, in-person support groups, or even co-pay assistance through your medication manufacturer can all be helpful in getting through the hard times.

Last but not least, I have sat through many counseling sessions that have helped tremendously. I highly recommend a mental health professional as well.

Just keep going

Some days, we aren’t going to feel good, and our mental health is not going to be at its best, but I feel like we can rest on those days and try again tomorrow.

This journey is tough, but so is everyone that has been drafted into this thing. We keep going.