Dating with the Big C
My day started out innocently enough...beautiful Virginia fall day, crystal blue skies, wispy clouds, the ever-present hum of the jets on patrol that are so comforting. I was wearing a cute sundress and strappy heels. I had every expectation that I would go to the ER, (at my boss' "request") get a quick x-ray (normal as always) and be along my merry way. It was Saturday and I had big plans later in the day.
Who could have imagined what was coming...right?
Dating with lung cancer
I say all that to set the stage for the topic I really want to talk about today. How does one manage to date with this kind of diagnosis? Up until my diagnosis, I was a normal, socially active girl. Great career. I dated a lot. I have a huge network of friends. I STILL have my great network of friends, but I am genuinely uncomfortable when I get asked out for dates.
Right now, those who meet me would NEVER guess that I have been through what NSCLC has put me though. I see and feel its effects every single day. To the outside, I seem "normal". Happy. Outgoing. And so I am generally.
When do I bring it up?
How much is too much to tell a date? Do I say it directly when I'm asked out..."Hey, I really appreciate the offer but I have stage 3a lung cancer...so there's that". Do I not say anything at all?
So far I have dealt with this directly. When someone new asks me out, somewhere in the conversation I let it be known that I have this diagnosis. I'm light...I don't overdo in on the details unless they ask me. I have found most men to be very cool with the news. But I am sincerely worried for the day when I perhaps develop really deep feelings for someone, and they decide they can't handle my diagnosis...where does one go from there?
Reality of love
Is it EVER right to ask someone to sign on to what this diagnosis really means? I mean, in a sunshine, rainbow, and butterfly world love conquers all, but...this is reality. It is a really tough question that really calls on my personal ethics.
Thanks so much for allowing me to share.
Do you find that staying zen through your lung cancer diagnosis has helped you in your journey?