Lung Cancer Patients’ Experiences on Marriages, Relationships, Dating and Sex (Part 4)

Early this month I invited ladies from Norway, England, Singapore, USA, and Canada on a Zoom call to talk about their experiences with marriage, relationships, dating, and sex after lung cancer. I admire these ladies for being so open to speaking about their experiences. They are truly inspirational.

Below is a continuation of our conversation with PH. Read Part 3 where PH talks about dating with lung cancer.

At first, he was supportive of my cancer

Our second date was by far better. We had met for drinks after I had a bad day (my first time asking a man out ever) and slept together, triggering him to ask me to Valentine's Day dinner that Friday. I was relieved, it was going to be my first Valentine's Day alone in many years, and I was dreading it. But then after I returned elated from a night full of laughter, my mom made me guilty about not telling him. So I told him about my life situation: cancer. I expected him not to follow through on our next date.

But he did, he listened and held me while I cried about everything that had happened. It was a crazy whirlwind romance after that. That started in February. While on a road trip, in mid-March we had become boyfriend and girlfriend for a few days. A few days later, he took it back, saying it was too soon. I was disappointed but knew I needed to carry on.

The pandemic slowly killed the fire

Then shortly thereafter, the lockdown happened. The pandemic slowly killed the fire, though he was the only human being from the outside world who checked on me every day throughout this thing. Nonetheless, there was an emptiness to our interactions.

I eventually went to his house with an N95 mask and asked him about it. It was a complicated time but in the end, he said I had this condition. I finally saw that he had never let me in really. I was someone he saw as a passing fling, that we accidentally bumped into each other among other things. I chose to end it. It was very sad. That was Sunday, May 24.

It's about looking after myself

I have consoled myself that, in the end, I chose myself. I wasn’t important enough to him in a meaningful way.

I am back on the apps out there but I have disclosed that I am a cancer survivor now. People's interest in me with cancer is noticeably paltry. Nonetheless, I still believe in love and I am still worth it! In fact, I know I am even better with cancer in some ways. While the majority of choices remain less than desirable, I am really evaluating which people are worth my time in regards to what I am looking for with self-love.

I will do my best to be mindful and not fall back into my old pattern of settling for people who do not deserve me! I am holding out for that proverbial unicorn who is uniquely suited for me, cancer and all.