Here We Go...Year 5

The magic number, or so they say. I'm not really sure who "they" are but I'm guessing experts.

Diagnosis Can Be a Dark Time

In the beginning, upon receiving this devastating news, I was a non-stop researcher. I was determined there had to be a cure and I was going to find it. I've always been driven that way. First person in my family to graduate from college, first child to have the grandchild as a single mother, and was the director of HR for a subprime finance company of about 100 employees by the age of 23. Where did all this drive get me? Here. On this site, talking about how I went from managing a top hotel in the United States (according to TripAdvisor) to barely scraping by on SSDI.

At first, I was furious. My whole life seemed to have been pointless up until then. What was I really working towards? A better life for my daughter. But finding out you have stage 4 lung cancer, not even a month after your 33rd birthday, can spiral you into a dark place.

Starting to See the Light

So, in the beginning, it was dark. But, after the first year, I started to see light. Not the "I'm going to live forever light", but the, "what a beautiful sunset" light. I realized I had been so driven that I was ignoring the many blessings I had. My daughter didn't care if she had the coolest bike on the block. She wanted to spend time with me. So, I quit researching and gave it to God. I know this is all beyond my control, and now I thank God every day for the second chance He gave me to LIVE my life, not just work towards the next big thing.