Feeling Hopeless

Back in November of 2014, when I was diagnosed with stage IIIB non-small cell lung cancer, I felt like there was no hope. I didn’t know much about lung cancer, but I knew it was a bad cancer, and the survivor rate wasn’t good either.

Being diagnosed at 46 years old with my young children was devastating. Hope literally left my soul.

I wanted to live, I wanted to find a place that would give me hope. Because feeling hopeless is not a pretty picture.

The wait for test results

After my diagnosis my husband would stay up late and research online about lung cancer. He found out about biomarker testing and when we got to the cancer center, we asked about it. They said yes, we’re going to do a bronchoscopy to get tissue to send it out and get it tested for a gene mutation.

I ended up having more than three bronchoscopies because they were having issues getting enough tissue to have it tested. Finally, the pulmonary specialist was able to get enough tissues to have it sent for biomarker testing.

As soon as that was completed, I started chemo and radiation. Little did I know that the pathology report was going to take six weeks to get the results. I didn’t find out I was ALK-positive until the very last day of my chemo and radiation.

I remember my husband being so upset because it took so long for the results, and he felt I could have avoided chemo and radiation. He made sure he gave the cancer center an earful and how unacceptable it was. They told us the reason was because of the holiday, but my husband told them “Try again because that a sorry excuse.”

Seeking a second opinion

Because we were not happy with the cancer center my sister took me to the Mayo Clinic for another opinion. At this point, my hope was pretty much gone, and all I could think about was my children and that my mother would have to bury another child. We got to the Mayo Clinic, and I first saw the lung cancer oncologist’s nurse practitioner.

Now, going to here gave me some hope, and I remember trying to stay positive. I remember the nurse practitioner asking me questions, and I asked her, “What are my chances? Will I make it to five years? I want to see my children grow up.”  

Her exact words were, “Oh no, your cancer is aggressive. You probably have about 18 months to live. So maybe you want to get your affairs in order.” I remember my sister telling me, “That’s not you, you’re going to make it,” and my husband got so mad.

When she left, my heart sank, and all the hope, I had just gone out the window. When the lung cancer doctor came, he prescribed me the first line, then targeted therapy, then for ALK Positive, and told me that I had one of the best oncologists in my backyard, which was the University of Chicago Medical Center. He gave us his name, and my sister got up and left the room, called UChicago Medical Center, and I had an appointment for that same week.

Finding hope

Before I got to my appointment, the oncologist had reviewed all my medical files. So, when I got to my appointment he was prepared.

He examined me and asked us a few questions. Then he sat right next to me and grabbed my hand and told me “You have a very good chance of beating this and I’m going to help you.” That was all I needed to hear, and my level of fear decreased, my hope of getting a second chance in life went through the roof and I held on to that up until this very day!

So, yes, living with lung cancer and our uncertainty can, at times, be hopeless. But I remind myself that there is hope and I’m proof of that!