Be Careful What You Wish For...

Have you ever found yourself daydreaming? Of course, you have. Everybody daydreams. What do you daydream about? What is your interpretation of daydreaming?

I daydream all the time. I’m either picturing myself in certain scenarios past and how I could have made it better, or any possible scenario in my future. My daydreaming has become frequent. It’s exhausting! Maybe it’s because of the chemobrain?

Before I prayed for patience

While raising my children, I would pray for patience. I found myself in traffic jams, long lines, or in a short line, but there needed to be a price check on half of the items said person in front of me had in their basket. I quit praying for patience. LOL - Now, when praying, I’m more specific if praying for patience. I pray for help in the current situation, not just a generalization.

I’ve also learned to be careful what you wish for...I used to say that to my children and still do. They hate(d) it! Well, practice what you preach!

When I wished to be off my steroids

I wished to be off the steroids SO BAD! I have been weening off my steroids for a couple of weeks. I started with 4 pills twice daily. I’m down to ½ pill once a day. Today is my last day.

Yay!! – right? Well, not so yay (!). LOL. I didn’t know steroids were part of what made me feel so good OVERALL. Kind of like the patience thing. I should have wished more specifically. LOL. I’m sleeping better. Very good. The side effects I was experiencing (the reason I had to go on the steroids to start with) haven’t returned (yet). Very good. All good!

My chemobrain is back

Why should I have been a little more careful with what I wished for? I have cancer. Duh. The steroids helped me feel so good, I forgot I had cancer. Yes, I’m sleeping better, but now I’m just plain exhausted! What the heck? My chemobrain – Oh. My. God. I had no idea the steroids were helping so much with this problem. Now, I’m back in my brain fog. I can’t stand it!!! I can’t remember crap!

I’m somewhat of a perfectionist (ok, more than just ‘somewhat’). Chemobrain really gets in the way of this! I forget what I’m talking about in the middle of a sentence. It sucks! I’ve had to re-read this post at least half a dozen times (so far). It is very annoying.

Looking back, I didn’t struggle with chemobrain as bad while on the steroids. Maybe I did but felt so good overall, I just didn’t care? At any rate, the chemobrain is a real challenge. Me, being me, have been researching this annoyance called chemobrain. It’s a real thing. Here’s what I find humorous about it...I don’t look sick, I don’t sound sick, I just sound like a complete ditz!!! LOL

What does chemobrain look like?

Symptoms of chemobrain include...

1. Forgetfulness or memory lapses. I’m making lists all the time, writing things down. Now I can’t find the stupid lists! I asked a friend to write down the name and number of a referral she was giving me. I took the piece of paper, put it in my purse. Two minutes later, I asked her again! She said, “Ronda, I just gave it to you”. Was I embarrassed? – yes. But, thank God my friend knows me. She knows my situation. She kindly wrote the name and number down AGAIN. Together, we put it in my checkbook, so I would know where it was. I didn’t find the original for 2 days! Yup, right where I put it. In my change purse. Because that makes sense.
2. Difficulties concentrating or focusing on tasks. I’m fine with this, as long as I’m only doing ONE thing.
3. Struggling to do more than one task at a time. Okay, now I understand #2. LOL – See how exhausting this is???
4. Trouble recalling or remembering common words or names. This is the one that is the most embarrassing for me. It happens frequently. It’s weird. While on the steroids, I didn’t notice it. Well, now I do, and I don’t like it.

Not all advice is helpful

My research is helpful but get this... I’m supposed to: establish concentration. OK? Really? Oh, wait, the research people suggest: be aware of external distractions and separate yourself from them. Really? Separate myself? That would mean complete isolation for me.

Soooooooooooooo, be careful what you wish for!!!

Editor’s Note: We are extremely saddened to say that on May 7, 2021, Ronda Beaty passed away. Ronda’s advocacy efforts and writings continue to reach many. She will be deeply missed.