Celebrating Birthdays With Cancer

When I was diagnosed in 2017 at the age of 36, I feared birthdays going forward. Would I see my next one? Would I see 40? I was afraid of not having them more than anything. Do I just ignore them, or do I hold tight to the next one? My cancer diagnosis day is celebrated like a birthday also. So, I suppose I now have two birthdays.

Birthdays were a day of celebration growing up

Birthdays were always made special for me while growing up, but it was never anything elaborate. I remember several of them. I remember when I was about 7, my mom decorating our dining room table, making me a cake, lighting the candles, passing out the birthday hats, and my daddy making us all giggle like the little schoolgirls that we were.

I remember coming home to a brand new saddle and horse one year. I thought I had won the lottery. I brushed that horse every single day and put a lead rope on her just walk around with her. I kept my saddle in my room just to be able to smell it until I put it on my horse and then it lived in the tac room. I remember my mom and dad pulling off a surprise dinner party for me once with my closest friends and that was a complete blast. When I turned 17, there was a car waiting for me with pink balloons and bows waiting for me in the back yard. Another surprise that I had no clue about.

After cancer, birthdays have new meaning

As I entered adult life, birthdays were fun, but really just another day with work life and a home to tend to, and the list just keeps going. When cancer entered into my life, it was time to make birthdays special again because they are. Birthdays are a measurement of accomplishment. A measurement of survivorship. A measurement of LIFE.

Birthdays mean more now than they ever did. We should celebrate life every single day, but it just means more on birthdays. I have to believe that I keep getting to celebrate birthdays because I am still here for a reason. I have a purpose. We all do. There’s a plan for my life even in the storm.

Don't take aging for granted

Perhaps, for the last few years, I have taken birthdays for granted. When I was in my 20s and fresh out of college, I would hear people say that I was young and inexperienced when discussing job opportunities and while that might be true, I was tired of hearing it. So, when I turned 30, I was hopeful then that I would be considered vetted a bit in my work. Maybe people would look at me as the college-educated professional that I was instead of an inexperienced kid.

I was 27 years of age and landed the role as a college administrator at my local community college. I was the registrar with a staff and supervisory duties to people twice my age. Many were opposed to this young little “inexperienced girl” being “in charge”. I showed up with dignity and pride. I learned everything possible. I wanted to be respected and I wanted to do my very best even at 27. I made it. I did the work. I gained respect regardless of my age. Then came more and more birthdays, more experiences, and more credibility.

Life is meant for living

In just a few days, I will be turning 39. WOW! It seems like just yesterday I was bouncing around on a stage performing with my high school show choir coming in at a mere 110 pounds and never was seen without smiling about something.

Oh, the things that I have been through over the years. The hardships and celebrations. The letdowns and the excitements. I’ve experienced life for sure. I’ve lived. I’ve loved. I’ve cried. I’ve walked in sadness. I’ve been tired. I’ve been rested. I’ve traveled. I’ve overcome. I’ve lost. I’ve gained. This is called living, right?

The only constant is change

The great Greek Philosopher Heraclitus, said: “The only constant is change.” Change affects us all. For birthdays with or without cancer, change and aging are a given. Our bodies are changing, our hair is thinning, maybe we aren’t in the shape we were once in, we’ve gained more experiences, we’re often not the same person. We’ve maybe gained or lost family or friends within the year. New jobs. New beginnings. Maybe we long for what used to be instead of our own reality.

Birthdays bring a place of celebration, but it also can trigger a place of reflection with many different emotions. Regardless, I believe that those of us on a cancer journey understand what it means to have another birthday. Our perspective has shifted and we are grateful for every day especially the milestone of a birthday.

May we all celebrate life and more birthdays

I am looking forward to turning 40 in 2020. When I was diagnosed, I remember asking if I would live to be 40. I can’t predict the future, but I am going to hope that I am still here and thriving because I have a major party to plan. A milestone accomplished. A question mark turned reality. That’s reason for celebration alone. May we all celebrate life and more birthdays.