Not Me

By notme

2 min read

I didn't really think it was going to happen me, but then no one ever really does do they??? I kept getting these these lung infections, deep coughing, 2 and 3 rounds of steroids each time, trying to slam down the inflammation from the coughing. Tore my lungs up. The doctors did Xrays, MRI's told me they saw a spot on my left upper line that looked like scar tissue. They said they were going to watch it see if it changed; they said the body does not like foreign tissue and that this could change into cancer. If it did become cancer they said during the frequent testing they would be following me with, if it did become cancerous, the cancer would light up like a Christmas tree. I was sick a lot with lung infections and felt like I was coughing my lungs up and out of me, but nothing rarely came up. I would become so tired from coughing. I grew tired of the many doctor appointments I had, I had many health issues. One day I told all my doctors I was taking a break from doctor appointments. I told them I was taking the summer off. So I did! I did, I did exactly that. I did not check any mail that came in from them. I did not listen to any voicemail messages from them. I did not open any email from them I did not do anything medically. I simply took the time away from anything related to medical and that year I stayed with my daughter and my brands a great deal through summer. Then I think it was September I decided I would begin opening medical mail, emails, and listening to voicemail and bingo there it was. My pulmonary doctor had been trying to contact me. So I sat with that need for a few days before contacting him, or before telling anyone. I needed to turn it around for awhile before sharing this kind of news with anyone. I needed to know how I felt about it first before I told anyone else. So I sat at home with it for a couple days. Weighing my thoughts, researching my options, studying surgeries, studying procedures, I was going to wait awhile before I let others know what the WHAT was! To be continued soon.

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Margot Community Admin
Thank you so much for sharing this part of your story we appreciate you submitting it here! You are right, no one ever really does expect it, and it can all be overwhelming! Please know that we are here for you and thinking of you. You are not alone. Reach out to us any time. I know that many in the community can relate to your feeling upon diagnosis, before telling others and wanting to learn more. Some find it helpful to take a step by step approach, as Jeffrey explores here: <a href='https://lungcancer.net/living/how-i-broke-the-news' target='_blank'>https://lungcancer.net/living/how-i-broke-the-news</a> Thinking of you. Please do keep us updated if you'd like to. Warmly, Margot, <a href='http://LungCancer.net' target='_blank'>LungCancer.net</a> Team Member
vanregency Member
I am a newly diagnosed small cell lung cancer patient. My issue started with waking up one morning with my eyes swollen almost shut. I went to the doctor, they suggested that I was suffering an allergic reaction. Suggested taking a benedryl. 5 days later the swelling had progressed to the point that I felt I was being choked...my neck head and arms were very swollen. The urgent care clinics dismissed me. A doctor friend suggested going to the ER. After a long time they finally listened to me complaining about the pressure in my chest. X-rays subsequently showed a mass in my lungs that was putting pressure in the SVA, the artery that allows blood to drain back to the heart from the head and arms. Luckily, they kept me in hospital, did CTs, broncoscopy....positive diagnosis 2 days later. They started me in chemo the next day. The pressure was reduced within two days, was able to drain away the built up fluids. I am scheduled for 3 more rounds of chemo (3week intervals) as well as radiation therapy. This is the physical side of it. The emotional side is harder to deal with. I feel so guilty causing the pain to my family...I was a smoker, it is all my own fault. How does one live with this guilt? I have trouble sleeping, laying in bed my brain keeps thinking of choking to death, gasping for air ....does anyone have any suggestions in coping with this?
Sara Hayes Community Admin
Hi - thank you so much for sharing with us. I am so sorry to hear all that you've been dealing with. NO ONE deserves lung cancer, smoker or not! You're absolutely right, so many feel the emotional aspect can feel so overwhelming. We have a section on our site dedicated to this emotional aspect if you're interested: <a href='https://lungcancer.net/coping-emotional-effects-lung-cancer' target='_blank'>https://lungcancer.net/coping-emotional-effects-lung-cancer</a> Please know that we are here for you, for support, questions, and if you ever just need to vent!! Thinking of you and sending virtual hugs your way! -Sara (team member)
1. notme Member
 Sara, thank you for the virtual hugs. Lol I can actually receive physical hugs now, still don't like the patting hugs though lol, neuropathy due to being sliced and diced. I am grateful to the Lord, the great healer and deliverer that I have continued healing and continued decrease in sensitivity with the neuropathy,,,,4 1/2 years post surgery now and cancer free. Thank you Jesus!!!

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