Enduring

It started after I survived the whole COVID mess. In my mind I thought that maybe I had COVID or a bad case of the flu.

Symptoms worsened

Over the period of about a month, my condition just got worse and worse. I am not the type of person that runs to a doctor or hospital at every little sniffle. That being said, and looking back it could have saved me a lot of misery. As far as I knew I had a bad case of the flu, my breathing and function ability keep getting worse. And unknown to me, (until my pants didn't fit right), I was losing a lot of weight.

Survival instincts took over

What really woke me up was the night sweats when I woke up to just overwhelmed with every ounce of moisture in my body was on my clothes and bed linens. And yet I keep telling myself that I will get better in a couple of days. That is until my bowel functions stopped functioning and I could barely get out of bed. At that time the hardest point was trying to get some, make that any nutrition in my body. And then came about the 14 day of no sleep barely functioning and unable to even get to the store to get fluids at the very least in my body. The final straw was getting out of bed and not able to make it across a 14 ft room without sitting down to rest. I guess at this point my own body survival instincts took over.

And because I could no longer get to the store my supplies ran out in the fridge and I knew I had to do something. Making it to a grocery store was not going to happen so I had a convenience about 14 min walk from where I was staying. How I got dressed I still don't know (this is not an exaggeration) and made it down two flights of steps I don't know.

A grocery run took a wrong turn

As it turned out it was late that evening and I sensed my very life was on the line and I had to get some kind of food. Well out the door I went after stopping 3 times just crossing the room I made my feet or should I say commanded my feet to go. I had to stop 5 times on a journey that was only 14 mins. So I got to the store in a tee shirt (didn't know I had no coat on) it was about 14 degrees out that night.

I know long winded but I remember it like it was yesterday and by the way this was also my 64 birthday. I took about four steps in the store and was sure I was the going to pass out.
The nearest store clerk (I'm sure my look was death). I informed her to call an ambulance as soon as possible.

Other patrons in the store had me sit in a chair before I passed out on the spot. The EMTs (thank God for them ) showed up and could see I was in distress. I could barely breathe let alone communicate, it's as if I was on another time plane (only way I can describe it) the EMTs quickly put me on oxygen and had forethought to start an IV. They put an oxygen reader on my finger and took pulse and heart beat readings and asked me how I made it 4 seconds let alone 14 mins down the road. I could see by the panic in there faces when they had to do oxygen level reading again the first was 53% ,which if below 80% is in the danger zone. So my level was borderline going to die soon.

Pneumonia and lung blockage

Next thing I remember was the gurney arriving in the ER at the hospital. Again was given as much oxygen as they could pump in my lungs. Turns out I didn't have the flu but pneumonia with a lung blockage. No wonder I couldn't make it across the room without ready to pass out.

And then came the antibiotics and some machine as I can only describe as an elephant sitting in my chest forcing me to breath. Every breath was so labored I really thought it was check out time. But the ER staff keep encouraging me to keep my eyes open stay with them. Thank God for that machine because I couldn't find the strength to lift my hand let alone labor to fill my lungs for another breath. There was so much activity around me my head was spinning again thank you EMTs and ER staff (honestly don't remember if was doctor there) at this point the cycle of that machine forcing oxygen into my lungs was all of life I could handle at that point.

Finally stabilizing

After about 7 hrs of raising my oxygen level and my breathing and just so many bags of antibiotics coursing into my veins I was finally stabilized to the point that I could speak again. To this day I can still feel that machine forcing me to breath (the mask was to say the least very uncomfortable) but after all I was not only knocking on deaths door but had one foot on the threshold. So many nurses and techs came to my bedside I didn't realize how bad my condition really was.

I am convinced if not for trying to get food I would have been found dead the next day. So I was transferred out of the ER about 17 hrs later to a room with all the bells and whistles. And with help I could now breath to a certain extent.

Testing and treatments continue

Then came the cascade of doctors and specialists that said I had to have multiple tests. The scope test not only confirmed that I had pneumonia but that I had a lower lung blockage which would have to be repeated soon after the first test. In the second go round of a scope down my throat and into my lungs, a biopsy was taken and somehow they opened the dam of the lung blockage. So yes unknown at the time I was placed in that ambulance I had three strikes against me.

NSCLC diagnosis

After a lot of treatments in the hospital and 23 days later of treatments for the first two strikes against me and I was somewhat at a stable condition as far as I understood at the time. Then came the elephant in the room that I couldn't see or perceive and the news any sane person doesn't welcome that in the midst of clearing up the pneumonia and long blockages the cancer diagnosis. I could tell something was amiss just from the vibe in the room the looks on the nurses faces and the seriousness of the way I was being addressed at that moment. I was asked if I had a previous stroke or any other major health issues in my life (all that was a distraction) I guess to soften the blow of a diagnosis of non-small cell lung cancer.

Honestly at that point I was still trying to be grateful for surviving pneumonia and a lung blockage. So the news didn't hit me fully for a couple of days later. And then came time to transfer to rehab aka a nursing home. I was restricted and in a wheel chair but I was determined not to become bed ridden. I am not a big fan of hospitals. That all changed after near death experience twice in the same hospital stay.

Mental state

I am not the type of person that wears his feeling on my sleeve. I actually had multiple nurses asked me if I was depressed but I didn't feel the need for support groups or psychiatrist. A person that has cancer is bound to at least feel depressed at some point. That isn't a criticism of others because every person is created unique as fingerprints.

Grateful for my lungs

Anyway on to rehabilitation and more oxygen and more antibiotics and yes more getting out of the bed I don't want to be associated with. I never knew (and I consider being grateful again) how much breathing is involved just to eat a meal any meal it's as if I had to learn to walk and talk again, that's how far or as close I came to dying. I no longer take for granted not only being able to eat a meal but just how much oxygen it takes to do an every day function.

Previous to checking out of the hospital, I actually asked the oncologist to show me the results of the so many tests I had to endure. It's not that I was mistrusting the docs or nurses I just wanted to know what I was up against and see the invader in my body. From that point on I referenced my cancer as an invader. Unknown to me at the time is a battle, let me repeat that it's a battle a lot of which is between the ears.

Facing the reality of it all

I barely told anyone I was as sick as I was. I did not want fake sympathy I didn't want people around me not knowing what to say or do because of this invader in my body. Honestly I looked at it just like a flu bug that invaded my body albeit a more serious and dangerous one, and at the point that I saw the CT scan and PET scan I was determining to erase it like when I was a kid and would shake an etch-asketch and it would disappear.

I have up to this point endured all the treatments thrown at me. Radiation therapy, chemotherapy and I'm now on immunotherapy. Last week got good news from my last scan that my lung tumor has shrunk and has not spread to my lobes or nodules or other parts of my body.

I hope that in reading this it helps someone somewhere along the same path.

As I said, it's a battle many days. I was overwhelmed but keep on going on. I am looking forward to the day when I can look at another scan and see that the invader was removed fully from my body.

Thanks for this forum and I pray that all who visit and read will be blessed. I remember saying to a friend of mine that if we are blessed by the Creator then surely we should bless others or what's the point!