You're Never Alone

Editor's Note: The following article talks about a suicide that occurred in the author’s hometown, which may be upsetting to some readers. If you or a loved one are experiencing suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. Learn more.

Last month, a woman I knew through mutual friends did the unthinkable. We didn't hang out, I just knew who she was. I do live on a small island.

A loss in my community

Once you leave the island, you get to the mainland and the largest bridge in the state of Georgia takes you over a waterway to another island. From what many of my friends say, she threatened this before but had never gone through with it. Her life seemed perfect. She had her own hair salon in the pier village, friends, family, children, but something was missing.

So, one evening around 10 pm last month, the police department received a call about an abandoned car on top of the bridge. The keys were in the ignition along with personal items such as a wallet, purse, and cell phone. Once officers arrived, they were quickly able to find out who the car belonged to.

As I said, she threatened to jump before, but it was usually when she was intoxicated. This type of behavior is not uncommon for a resort community. There isn't much to do for locals and the same people are everywhere.

I guess that night, she felt stuck. I called a few friends after it popped up on my Facebook feed and learned the details of her disappearance. Since they hadn't recovered a body, we were all praying that she just took off and would show up again. She did show up, just not the way we had all prayed she would. Nearly a month after her car was found, her body was found.

Don't judge a book by its cover

I guess I'm telling you this story that has nothing to do with lung cancer for several reasons. From the outside looking in, she had a perfect life. Had you met her on the street, you would've thought the same thing. Don't judge a book by its cover.

Secondly, she was in pain. Now, I know many of us are in pain and depressed. But we don't have to be depressed all of the time. There are people who actually go to school in order to help those struggling with depression. Having lung cancer and understanding the life and death that go with it are enough to send many people into a swan dive. But, there is help and life is a precious gift. We don't get to live it over, there are no do-overs.

We all deserve compassion

We can, however, be kind and strong for our friends and family. Cancer doesn't just affect us, it affects everyone we love.

Of course, there are the people that will drive us insane with, "you don't look sick" and the expectancy that you can do what any non sick person does. But, in reality, we can't. And, I can't judge what she did because I wasn't in her shoes. I didn't know the depth of the pain. I wish someone would've taken her seriously and assisted her in getting the help she needed.

Changing my outlook

This incident changed my outlook on a lot of things. I'm doing my best to put myself in other people's shoes. Even the people that say, "you have lung cancer, you must've smoked". I can't blame them. I did the same thing before. It's a lack of education on behalf of the cancer society and many scholarly articles.

I also try to calm myself and explain my situation when people think I'm a young superwoman. I used to be that girl, but I'm not anymore. Telling them my lung cancer story and bracing myself for, "you don't look sick" to which I reply, "well, I am" helps. After they understand and we get the ugly questions out of the way, people, for the most part, are decent human beings. I appreciate the prayers they offer up and the kind words they leave me with.

It's talking about my pain and depression that actually keep me grounded. Anti-depressants are a major help. And no one should feel ashamed to take them or seek help. No one is perfect, we all have our demons. The key is to not let the demons control you. For the sake of yourself and loved ones, don't give up.