Supporting Lung Warriors

When we learn of a loved one who has been diagnosed with lung cancer, we often don't know what to say, how to respond, what questions are appropriate, if any, and so many other things. We try to be strong for them while they are trying to be strong for us.

We feel helpless in all of it, honestly.

Learning, listening, and letting feelings out

I recommend trying to learn about your loved ones' diagnosis as best you can from reputable medical journals and sites as well as within advocacy groups. When we understand the diagnosis, we can hopefully learn how to also support our loved ones. The feelings of helplessness are very real when our loved one is facing the uncertainty of cancer.

I think it is important to express raw and real feelings. When my daddy was diagnosed with lung cancer, I told him that he didn't have to keep it all in.

It's not healthy to deal with this in our own head. Some people are very private, and I understand that, too.

However, I think the stress level is higher for both the patient and those around them when they try to be strong for each other. Encourage your loved one to speak openly about their feelings and let them know that they can speak about their fears and concerns.

Boundaries and meaningful support

I think it is perfectly fine to set boundaries without causing any conflict. My daddy didn't want to share his journey at all on social media and asked me not to post about him, and I respect that.

I am an open book on social media and share my journey openly, but he doesn't want his journey out there. I also don't call him at certain times when I know he will be resting. This also applies to visits—if you don't feel like company, it's okay to say so.

We can always share hope with our loved ones on the journey, and we should. As a patient, I get annoyed at people saying that "everything will be okay." I know they mean well, and they are just trying to encourage me, but while that sounds so kind, my brain takes me to a place of reality that is often hard.

I think we can help our loved ones tremendously by being positive but without the empty allegations. We all want our loved ones to be just fine, but lung cancer isn't a sinus infection where we take some antibiotics and move along.

Many of us will always be in treatment. We hope for a cure, but this is our new norm, and we simply want to keep living life as normally as possible. We treat this stuff as a chronic disease and remain hopeful for the next line of therapy to keep us as healthy as possible.

Finding joy in everyday moments

Celebrating the good days with your loved one is essential on the journey. Good days can look like completing a treatment session, a good report, or having a day filled with energy and normalcy.

Sometimes, a good day looks like getting dressed for the day, and that is something to celebrate. When I first received my own diagnosis, I said that intentional living began that day. I don't always embrace that mentality on hard days, but I definitely try to pick it back on the better days.

I think it's good to romanticize life, so to speak. We don't need to be on a wonderful vacation to truly soak up a good life—we can enjoy life right where we are in our homes, with our family, or enjoying a meal outside of the home with friends.

It's important that we make those memories when we feel like doing so and take those pictures. We don't have to wait for the holidays to use the fine china or make the special dishes. We don't need a reason to embrace the special things in life.

When you're on a cancer journey, every single day is special, especially the good days. Celebrate that!