Far From Shallow

I love the lyrics from the song Shallow, “We’re far from the shallow now.”

Something happened recently that opened my eyes to how shallow my relationship is with many of my friends. A longtime acquaintance I used to work with lost her husband suddenly. I had not seen her in person for several years. But I followed her on Facebook.

Looking for a glimpse into my friend's life

I was surprised by her husband’s sudden illness and death. One day she shared about his condition and he died three days later. (This was in no way related to lung cancer.) I was wondering why they were at a hospital in Georgia. The last I knew, they lived not far from me in North Carolina. Apparently they moved to Georgia. If she posted about the move, I missed it. I didn’t know that she changed jobs, either. She used to be a web developer, then a technical writer. Now she is an artist. How did I miss her major life transitions?

I searched through more than two years of her social media posts searching for a clue, something meaningful or a personal update to no avail. She was active on social media but she mostly simply shared a funny post here or a recipe there. It was all really quite shallow.

We know very little about each other

I am not being critical of my friend. I am acknowledging that I tend to do the same thing. That’s fine, but occasionally, at least once a year, I would like to see a glimpse into what’s happening in the lives of my online friends. It makes me realize that perhaps we need to be real with our online friends and acquaintances.

I thought I knew this longtime acquaintance -- in truth, I now understand that I know very little about her. It’s a little like some of my social media friends. I may know their lung cancer story but other than that, I know very little about many of my online friends.

So, I thought I would share a little more personal information. I encourage my online friends to share more about the things that are important in their life, in addition to their cancer journey.

My lung cancer story

Since lung cancer has been a central focus of my life since my diagnosis in 2005, here’s a quick overview/background. I am a long-term, early stage survivor and advocate. In 2005, they were not testing for biomarkers, so I don’t know if I had a biomarker. That’s probably a good thing because otherwise I might be tempted to advocate for my particular biomarker group rather than the broader lung cancer community. Following surgery to remove two-thirds of my right lung, a bi-lobectomy, and four rounds of traditional chemotherapy, I was declared "cured" by my oncologist. I have no evidence of disease (NED). I have not had any recurrence and am not receiving any treatment.

Meet my family

I am married and have three adult children from a previous marriage. Many of you know my firstborn Kimberly Lester, who lives in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia with her son Jacob. Kimberly is a lung cancer advocate and works with the Lung Cancer Action Network (LungCAN). My son Kirk Tindel lives in Chicago with his wife Beth and their two daughters Lucy and Ava. My youngest Amy Williams lives in Charlotte, NC, with her husband Brad. All of my children and grandchildren have supported lung cancer advocacy initiatives and events.

My husband Tony and I live in High Point, NC, with our four spoiled kitties, Boots, Xena, Buttons and Butterscotch. Tony is 78 and I am 65. (So happy to finally be on Medicare!)

Although I had been a high school dropout for 10 years, after I became a Christian in 1979, I was compelled to go to college as a single mother of three young children. I love gardening and recently planted a butterfly garden.

Advocacy is my calling

I am grateful and, frankly, surprised to be such a long-term survivor. No matter how long I survive, I believe lung cancer advocacy is my calling.

In the beginning, though, I wasn’t sure how that would play out. At first, I volunteered at my local cancer center. Then I worked with different lung cancer organizations. In 2010, my family and I started the Dusty Joy Foundation (LiveLung). LiveLung has a network of monthly lung cancer meetings. We also provide gift bags to about 25 cancer centers to distribute to newly diagnosed lung cancer patients.

I love doing advocacy work. I absolutely love lung cancer patients, who are like family to me.

Friendships should be anything but shallow

So, that’s pretty much who I am and what I do. I hope to learn more about my online friends soon, so our friendship will be anything but shallow. Please share a little about yourself in the comments...something your online friend may not know about.