Coping With Life’s Obstacles While Battling Lung Cancer

Editor's Note: This article includes references to self-harm. If you or someone you know needs support, we encourage you to seek help from a mental health professional or a trusted individual.

On January 7, 2024, my youngest daughter attempted suicide. It was the worst day of my life, worse than being diagnosed and worse than losing my mother. It’s a pain that is beyond this world.

I haven’t really shared this, but I think it’s time to share because many of us who are dealing with lung cancer are also dealing with storms in our lives. Some are worse than others, but it’s not easy. I’ve been through some horrible storms, and this is one of them.

I find myself questioning why or maybe I deserve this. Maybe I’m paying for some karma in this lifetime or my past life.

It’s hard to deal with unforeseen life circumstances and dealing with lung cancer. I often wonder how the heck I am still standing.

Reflecting on the role as a mother

My youngest daughter made a choice that I probably will never understand, but I can’t help but blame myself. Maybe I wasn’t there enough or maybe I was smothering her. Maybe I spoiled her too much or gave her too much or maybe I didn’t.

How could I miss the signs of depression or mental illness? I thought we were a close, tight family. We always took vacations together, went on outings as a family, and went out to dinner to celebrate each other’s birthdays, successes, and other things. I thought we were ok, but I guess not.

Yet here I am blaming myself because, as a mother, I should see and know things. Was I too busy focusing on me and my disease that I somehow neglected my children? Was I so into advocating for lung cancer that I didn’t ask my children if they were ok or if they needed anything?

I would say, “You kids are grown now and must do for yourselves and learn that life isn’t easy, but you need to figure it out”. Was that wrong to say?

I thought that showing them how strong I am and how hard I’m fighting against lung cancer to live longer would have sparked a strength in them. It would show them that life isn’t easy, but it’s how you make of it.

Life is beautiful, and being in this world is to teach our souls something. This is a school for our soul, and we are here to learn and grow.

I thought maybe if they saw me advocating for a cause and changing how lung cancer is seen, my kids would know how to fight for something they believe in. Never give up, and anything you put your mind to can be accomplished. So, where did I go wrong?

Balancing family needs with a life-threatening diagnosis

When I was diagnosed my youngest was only in 8th grade. My husband was so focused on me and getting better that, somehow, she felt neglected.

Maybe we should have gotten counseling for our kids, but when you get a diagnosis of lung cancer or any life-threatening disease, it’s not easy to think about other things. You’re in survivor mode, and all you can think about is surviving and hoping to make it to the next year.

I never meant to neglect my children, and I thought they would have been more understanding. But 2 of my children have expressed how they were left alone because everything was about me. That hurt me so much because I thought they would understand and try to figure out how to be more helpful.

I often wonder if my youngest attempted because she felt like I’ve been absent or somehow, she blames me for her mental illness. When my mom died that made it worse for her.  

Trying to find peace despite challenges

Recently, I’ve been feeling like everything that can go wrong has gone wrong, and I don’t know what to do or how to fix it. Do I just let go and let it work out for itself? I feel like I just can’t do this anymore; I have had so much bad luck lately.

Many people have told me that I’m the strongest woman they ever known. But I’m tired, I just want peace.

But in the meantime, I’ll make the most of my life, continue with my therapy, and hope that one day everything will get better.