This is 40

This Halloween I’ll turn 40. I remember when 40 seemed so old. It was like the go to reference when describing elderly people. “She acts like she’s 40” and there is still the “what is she, 12?” stigma.

Life can move so fast

Quite honestly, I should be embracing this age. But, I don’t feel like 40 is old. Maybe it was having Karley younger, raising her, and as soon as I turned 33 I got diagnosed with lung cancer.

College, work, and cancer pretty much stole most of my life. Had I known cancer was coming up, college would’ve been out the window. And I definitely wouldn’t have put forth 100% at work every day. Then again, I’m a little OCD so maybe I would.

I don't see myself as 40...

When I look in the mirror, I don't see 40. That could be another reason I’m having a hard time accepting it. I don’t even know what 40 looks like anymore though to tell you the truth. All I hear is it’s "over the hill".

I still try to look my best when going anywhere and most people guess mid 30’s. The milestone birthdays have come and gone so fast. I remember taking the SATs the morning after my 18th birthday. Don’t ask how I did. I was lucky I made it on time.

Then came 21. I’m pretty sure I was already drinking in bars but it felt good not to have to hide it anymore. After that, everything went so fast and now here I am. The last few months of my 30s.

I was diagnosed young

Some days I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished much. Especially with the diagnosis. It’s scary, I won’t lie. Having lung cancer and turning 40 is just sad to me.

I used to be one of the young ones. Everyone was in shock because I was so young. Now, it seems like anyone above 40 with cancer, it’s not as shocking. I’m not sure where my reasoning in all this is coming from. But, I am so thankful that I’ll hopefully reach that age.

Embrace aging and life

I’m trying to embrace it, the whole aging thing. I never thought I would get older. My entire life I had this premonition that I would die young. Don’t get me wrong, 40 is still young. Maybe it’s the lung cancer that sort of crushed my dreams.

I don’t dream of growing old with a white picket fence. That ship sailed. My girl will be in high school in August and after she graduates, I guess the world is my oyster. There are so many things I want to do. But I know, baby steps.

To see her graduate from high school is my biggest goal right now. I thank God every day for this time he’s continued to give me. No one asks for lung cancer. And anyone could get it. Anyone could also have their life cut short some other way. So I think we should all be thankful for each day, as they aren’t promised. And make sure to tell that to our loved ones.

Find happiness and hope wherever you can

I felt like all I did was blink and my life has gone by incredibly fast. My story or journey can't be in vain. I hope someone can take away these things from this article.

It’s never too late to apologize or tell your loved one how you feel. You should put the phone away and enjoy the moments, after all, they soon become memories. Love hard. Live like tomorrow isn’t coming. And if you’re a Christian, there is always room to improve. To follow in Jesus's footsteps. Laugh, it’s good for the soul. Cry to know you feel. And bring happiness and hope wherever you can. You never know who you can inspire.