The Future: Where Do I Go From Here?

Since my diagnosis on November 27, 2012, I quit planning a future. Of course, I had goals and milestones I wanted to reach with Karley. But, as for myself, I never thought I would still be here after nearly 10 years. In my mind, I didn't need anyone around because I would be gone before she went to college. All of this has now left me a year to plan. Planning my life 3 months at a time is already hard enough. Now, a year?

And maybe not just a year. What if I keep living yet I need help? I'm not in a relationship. I have friends, but they have families and my mom is getting older. I don't want to ever be a burden on someone, but I'm not ready for a nursing home. So, I've come up with a few plans. None of which involve Karley having to take care of me unless of an emergency.

Planning for the future

I've never lived outside of Georiga. Maybe I have lived everywhere in it, but I've gone from the city to the beach. So far, I can't see myself growing old or feeling at "home" in either of these places, much less dying there. Therefore, I have a good friend in North Carolina who has offered for me to live with him and his roommate and split the rent. He lives in the mountains. I love the mountains, they are beautiful. We used to go to the Blue Ridge Mountains when I was younger. I always thought it was beautiful but thought, "no way could I live out here, there's nothing to do". There were hardly any homes.

It's amazing how time goes by and can change your perspective. I don't care about having "things to do" anymore. Now, once Karley goes to college, I want to relax, sleep in, and never have to worry about rushing around. And, the views. Probably my favorite part. I can see why some people refer to the mountains as "God's Country". So as long as my friend doesn't marry and start a family within a year, I think that will be Plan A.

Time can change our perspective

I feel like God gives me signs and I don't ignore them. So when I told my plan to one of my closest friends that moved to North Carolina a while back, she was so excited because that's where they are putting their new restaurant.

Not only would I have a friend to live with, but I would also have one of my oldest friends and her family close as well. Plan A is complete. But once again, that only accounts for a year. Within that year I'll save money to put down on a house. Hopefully with an en-law suite or apartment garage. And I'm hoping Karley will want to go in on it with me. She takes the house, I stay in my little en-law suite, out of her way, and if there's an emergency she will be there.

My story isn't finished yet

I hate to do this, but I can't think of anywhere I would rather be during my final days. Besides, who knows if things will even go this way. I just know my story isn't finished yet.

It's hard living this life with children. As a mother, I never want to hurt my girl, but no one lives forever. And I think it would bring her peace if she were there. She would have no regrets. But I'm getting so far ahead now. I need to better embrace the motto "one day at a time". I guess it would be more meaningful for me if I had a place to live or help I could definitely count on. But, in this world, can you really count on any living person 100%?