Family Discourse and Lung Cancer

Cancer can open up many hot topics regarding diagnosis, care, and survival. Can you function fully or partially? How will the medications affect your day-to-day? Is surgery an option? What can you do or not do?

Many of these questions don't initially include how the family will react, especially when there are unresolved family dynamics.

When family ties can feel like chains

My mom had a stable support system; however, I know there were some areas where she needed specific key people to be where she needed them to be. I found that problematic relatives wanted a tighter hold on helping when, in fact, their efforts weren't quite warranted. Oftentimes, though there's a health ailment that affects all parties in the present, prior family discourse can still be a heavy burden moving forward.

Sometimes, it can be easily said to forget and move on. Cancer is now in the mix, so does family drama matter? For many, it does! Not many can forget how a person has treated them in the past, especially family.

Many people struggle with trusting how genuine relatives are when they weren't the nicest before a diagnosis. This is a huge issue that's deemed as that unpleasant elephant in the room. It's something about being in a harsh reality of life and death and reviewing those who are sincere at this delicate time.

Every situation may call for different tactics to be handled. My mother left clear instructions on who she wanted by her side, and she was quite adamant in those instructions. Sometimes, the complexity of the family is too deep to settle with a cancer diagnosis, and the wounds can be too much to bear.

Setting boundaries for peace

There is no quick fix in this particular read and subject; however, there are some considerations to think about. I would say for the patient, what is it you need to bring you peace?

• Are you okay with removing toxic and stressed-filled relatives from your space?
• Can you have a deeper conversation on why you feel the way you do?
• Lastly, Are you okay with not providing an explanation and using your time to beat cancer as your primary concern?

I would say for the family that wishes to be there for their loved one:

• Are you okay with leaving well enough alone by allowing your loved one that space?
• Can you be supportive without being confrontational?

What's worth the fight?

Sometimes, finding peace is putting yourself in the other person's shoes or allowing yourself to step back. Family trauma and drama is not a lung cancer issue, but any of life's hiccups and successes can bring about unresolved family stuff.

In this moment and space, finding peace may be taking a step back and deciding: is it worth the hassle? Lung cancer is tough, and my mother's short stint in beating it took its toll. She battled cancer along with past family dynamics.

You need to decide on what battles are worth the effort in the grand scheme of things.

 The time to fight is now, with integrity, grace, hope, and a smile….when you feel like it.