My Experiences in Chemotherapy Ward

I’m a 7-year lung cancer survivor. I’m on targeted therapy, which has few side effects. I had chemo for four months when I was just diagnosed, but the chemo didn’t work for me. Luckily, while I was on chemo, my oncologist sent my biopsy to Foundation One in the USA for biomarker testing, and it turned out I have ROS1+ mutation. So, I changed to the first-line targeted therapy treatment, and I’m still on it today.

Although I only had chemo for four months, I couldn’t forget my chemo ward for the past seven years, not due to the side effects. I barely had any physical side effects from chemo, but my experience at the chemo ward was carved in my memory.

First time in the chemo ward

The chemo ward in the cancer center of my city is quite nice, new building, new facility, a clean environment, and friendly nurses, but these seemed not enough for me. From the first time I put my feet in the chemo ward, I noticed the dimmed lights, everywhere dull and faint. At the time, I was so depressed, scared and devastated by my lung cancer diagnosis, and it was not comprehendible that I only had 1.5 years to live based on the internet. So the dull and faint lights portrayed a dim view of my future.

I was in the chemo ward with several patients having infusions. Everybody in the room was quiet as if you could hear the needle fall to the ground. Occasionally, the nurses asked the patient questions or adjusted the infusions. The chemo ward was filled with dimmed light and was deadly quiet and depressing!

An elderly couple sat in the chair next to mine, and the husband was doing a blood transfusion. The wife asked the nurse for water and brought a blanket for her husband. She tried to make her husband as comfortable as possible. Halfway through the blood transfusion, the blood transfusion needle somehow fell off the husband’s arm, and the blood was splashed everywhere. I’ve never seen such a pool of red and thick blood. I couldn’t help feeling strangely excited. The elderly wife panicked, and two or three patients, including me, bound in the chairs, watched quietly. The nurse quickly handled the situation, and everything was back to normal. The light was still dimmed, and the room was quiet and depressing.

A lady who wanted to be a mother

Another day of my infusion, a young lady sat next to me. I expected a dull and depressing day, and I had no desire to talk to anybody. However, this lady caught my attention because I used to be the youngest in the chemo ward when I was around. I secretly looked at the lady in her 30s, dressed fashionably and comfortably. She was very tall and wearing well-cut-fit genes and high-heel boots. A thick brownish-yellow sweater fitted her perfectly. I told myself that she looked like a model and didn’t belong here. The brownish-yellow sweater made the light duller in the chemo ward, and the atmosphere was depressing.

Not long after she sat down, a nurse came to start the infusion, and the young lady told her story that she was pregnant and she desperately wanted to keep this baby. The nurse seemed to know her story and mentioned some psychologists. The young lady didn’t mention anything about the father of her baby but kept saying she wanted this baby and was not young anymore. She talked a lot, and she mentioned that she had many tranquilizers.

I thought that with so many chemo drugs in her body, how could the baby survive, and who would take care of the baby, not to mention lung cancer patients had such a short survival? Her face reflected the dimmed lights. I felt hopeless.

I’ve never met the lady again. That was the first day in my cancer journey that I felt lucky to have my children before the cancer diagnosis.

It’s not the chemo ward

I WAS IGNORANT AND CLUELESS when I did the chemo seven years ago. It caused me so much grief. I wish I knew what I know now that lung cancer is not a death sentence, and there is life after lung cancer. Knowledge is power and gives us hope. HOPE KEEPS US LIVING.

Somehow the dimmed light from the chemo ward left an incredible impression on me. I have left lights super bright or pitch dark at home since the chemo ward experience. I couldn’t tolerate the dull and faint lights. I should go back to the chemo ward facing the lights again. It may not be the dimmed lights. It’s me.

Luckily, I don’t have any reason to visit the chemo ward for now.