Samantha (B.C.) vs. Samantha (A.C.)

The title doesn't mean "Before Christ" or "Anno Domini" (Latin for the year of our Lord) in technical terms. But philosophically, I've come to believe it also means: Samantha (before cancer) versus Samantha (after cancer). Had you known Samantha BC, you would not recognize her. She had such a difference in her priorities.

Samantha BC was a different person

She was vain, throughout high school, college, and after graduation at her first "real job", Director of HR for a subprime finance company. During school she worked for a doctor's office and lost all empathy for sick people, constantly thinking to herself, "these people are just lazy". "They just want out of work". Her attitude was always snippy and she didn't care about helping others.

When I got my first "real" job, I oversaw the regular employees. I was able to make decisions on who to write up, hire, or fire and learned every position at the company so I could write a handbook and job descriptions. Every day I wore casual work clothing and ridiculously uncomfortable heels. I moved to Buckhead in Atlanta with some friends and the shopping was excellent.

Throughout college, I dated one person. I still love him as one of my best friends today. But they say the grass is always greener on the other side, so I began dating Karley's dad after a horrible breakup. We went out nearly every night and even played in a pool league together. Still, I was excelling at my job and I was pretty, and I made a decent amount of money.

Becoming a mother changed my outlook

In May of 2004, I found out I was pregnant. Karley's dad and I weren't married, but I felt that I was old enough and made enough money to raise a child alone. Therefore, I gave him a choice, and he chose to be in her life. She gave me a purpose in life. Or so I thought, but she wasn't my only purpose.

Most parents say this, but Karley was the best decision I ever made. Her father and I tried to stay together and work things out. We finally decided we were better off friends than we were partners. We both didn't want Karley to grow up thinking that our constant arguing was normal in a relationship. So, when she was in Kindergarten, I moved out with her and we agreed to share custody.

At this point, I was living in St. Simons Island, GA running a hotel and restaurant. I was making enough money for us to be comfortable along with child support. We also shared custody. I felt like I was still pretty and a workaholic. And now I was a single mother which was really hard when I worked so much.

I was making it though. The Samantha BC was going to be okay. We still made an effort to take Karley to church, and the church began to grow on me. Having Karley made me realize that I could no longer put myself first. It was a step in the right direction, although I was still super bitchy at work. I lost my empathy years ago and felt like people's illnesses were their own doing.

Then I was diagnosed with cancer

The lack of empathy continued until the beginning of 2012 when the headaches began. I always had a problem with my shoulder, but I was always in denial about health problems. I just worked through the pain. But the pain in my head was excruciating. Each time I went to the doctor they told me it was my sinuses and gave me pain pills.

It all came to AC at the end of 2012 when I had a craniotomy and learned of my lung cancer. By the time it was discovered, it had progressed to stage 4 lung cancer. That's when my priorities totally changed and I went from being a workaholic to a mother that took my daughter somewhere every weekend. Regardless of how tired I was, I looked forward to our weekends together. Some of my hair fell out so I bought wigs. I gained a bunch of weight because of the constant steroids. Then church became more important than ever. This is the AD portion. Christ had shown me the way.

Cancer was an eye-opening gift

I am less afraid to talk about religion to others, and I am not afraid of dying. Because I know that I will only die in the earthly sense, my soul will go on to heaven and I will see my loved ones again. My personality totally changed and I became empathetic. Now, I go out of my way to help people as much as possible. I cling to the bible when I need peace. And if I can help one person find God, all of these struggles will be worth it.

Cancer was such an incredibly eye-opening gift.