I can imagine how difficult it can be. My mom was an on-and-off smoker. She did stop when diagnosed, but I know it's always been a struggle throughout her life to stop permanently, especially when stressed. It sounds like you're making a good effort by trying...so that's a start!
I've attached some possible tips to consider as you figure this all out. Wishing you the very best! Let us know how you fare in quitting.
Best
Yolanda (Team Member)
https://lungcancer.net/coping/smoking-cessation