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Anyone feel like a burden to the family?

  1. Hi jigsawlady,

    Thanks so much for your question. In addition to answers from community members, it is often the case that family members and caregivers want to help, but may not know how best to. Keeping open communication and sharing your needs or concerns with family may help greatly! Family can be a wonderful support, as can connecting to others in similar situations and fellow patients either in person or online who understand what you are going through! It is important to do what you need to do to help yourself get through this journey, and sharing thoughts and feelings with family, and accepting the help they offer can help everyone! Please know that we are also always here.

    Margot, Team

    1. Being a burden to my family was my greatest fear. I didn't want them to go out of their way to do anything. Dying and leaving them to pay for my funeral loomed larger for me than the cancer itself.

      I was so sick that I couldn't care for myself. My cousin created space for me in her home. My cousin, sister, coworkers and friends packed my apartment up and moved me out. Any time I protested them taking care of anything I was told "Shut up, let us help you. It's what we want to do."
      Eventually I came to accept that they really meant it and were hurt by my refusal.

      You will soon experience the disappearing friend and family phenomenon-some you know won't be able to handle it and will disappear from your life. Cherish those who want to make this stretch of rocky road a bit smoother for you. It's their way of showing you how much they love you.

      As someone else suggested give them projects. Have them take turns giving you rides, mowing your lawn, grocery shopping, cooking, doing your laundry or mopping your floors. You need your available energy to fight cancer and heal from treatment. Youll be able to get back to the vacuuming soon enough.

      1. Anyone going through a tough cancer battle, and especially lung cancer, needs other people. We need people to go with us to our doctor visits. We need them to help with meals, or dusting, or grocery shopping or raking leaves or cutting grass or helping with our pets. We need them to just be a friend. These things are not a burden to the people who love us. I mean, sure, we can all be a pain in someone's rear. But it all works perfectly when the people we love love us in return. Actually, what happens when someone gets diagnosed with cancer? What is the first thing people say? "Is there anything I can do?" We've said it ourselves probably too many times to count. We say it in part because we don't know what else to say. We also say it with deep honesty because we are compelled to take some type of action to help this person we care about. More often than not, the offer is not accepted. That, my friend, is a missed opportunity. It's an opportunity for someone to do something good and to feel good about doing so. Later, if that person does not survivor, the one who helped will find comfort in that small act of kindness they showed. If they survive, the bond between the two people will be stronger. There is no down side. Now is not a time to hold back on giving or receiving! That being said, as responsible adults, we need to make arrangements for life and in death. That, too, is an act of love. <3 Great question, Jigsawlady!

    2. feel used get upset when i cant get things done like i use to,on o2 24/7 and have a spouse who had 3 stents put in that just sits o r lays in his room all day complaining i lost lower left lobe and just had another scan done might have come back in right one now my pets keep me fighting otherwise i would just give up

      1. Thank you for sharing, suelittlehawkreese. We are thinking of you and always here for you as well! What pets do you have?

        Margot, Team Member

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